Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
