She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
