Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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