A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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