if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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