He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
