guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
