I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
