my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
