I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You ruined the universe
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
