i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
