I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
well I can't set my house on fire every night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
