I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
