She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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