Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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