i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Boobs are out for the taking
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
