im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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