the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
