Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
