I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
