I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
