mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
