She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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