I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
