He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
