things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
These tits shall not be calmed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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