I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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