I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
