Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
