I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
