so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
