Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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