oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
