I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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