i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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