I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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