Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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