I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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