why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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