Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
