Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
