There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
