dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
