my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
