We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
