She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
