Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
