On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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