How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
