you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
pray to the hookup gods
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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