There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
