i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
